Dear (Personal) Space Invader,

Thank you for “researching” everything about me before our first date. You were so prepared you even answered all my questions with responses I would say. Like when I asked what type of music you listen to, you said Jazz. Jazz! And you even like Jamie Cullum, that’s my favorite artist! But you already knew that. Speaking of Jamie Cullum, thanks for finding tickets for me/us since they were sold out. It’s kind of weird that at the concert you didn’t know a single song he sang, or sway along to the music, or even smile for that matter. You must have been tired that night or something. Maybe that’s why when I said it was the best concert I had ever been to you seemed shocked, but later said it was the best you had seen too. Delayed reaction. Or maybe it was the double shot of Crown, straight up, that you had. Did you know Crown is my favorite drink? Oh you did? Well for “trying to get into whiskey” I guess it’s a good choice. It's too bad you couldn’t finish it, or even get half way through it for that matter.

What I thought was most impressive was when you told me you’re a foodie, because you know I love to try new restaurants/eat in general. It’s funny though, you couldn’t even name one restaurant in all of LA, so we drove around…. for an hour. Maybe there were just too many options.

To top it all off you even brought me the movie you recommended (and I said I’d get around to). I told you my bff has it and I’d borrow it from her, but you insisted. I said I’d get it on Netflix, but you insisted. I even said I didn’t know when I’d have time to watch it, or when/if I’d see you again, but… you insisted. You must really want me to see this movie.

Oh, and thanks for sending me the link to the company I’m interviewing with, even after I said I had already visited the site. Then for doing added research and telling me other people had negative experiences there, and it might not be worth my time. It’s nice that you had time at work to do all that searching.

Unfortunately I’m so sorry, but even though we apparently like exactly the same tv shows, movies, music, activities, sports, types of food, and now alcohol, I just don’t think it’s going to work out. Maybe I should stick to "opposites attract", or maybe you’re just crazy.

P.S. You might want to get your eyes checked, they kept staring, kind of wildly… it freaked me out.

Dear My Los Angeles Native,

When they say people from LA are crazy, I'm pretty sure you were the one who set the bar. In 3 hours you managed to tell me your entire life story, in great detail. I mean, who needs a little mystery anyway, right? But just so I don't miss anything here's a little recap:

- You were in a gang
- You were a rapper
- You were arrested for assault with a deadly weapon
- You were stabbed 6 times in the stomach
- You were in and out of jail for months
- Your ex put a hit on you with a rival gang
- You were a big time meth and cocaine dealer
- You were addicted to meth
- You lost everything and became homeless
- You got back on your feet by selling drugs again
- You cleaned up your act and became a Big Brother and started your own charity
- You're a banker by day
- You're a club promoter by night

Did I miss anything? Probably.

I don't know if "not my type" sums up my feelings well enough. Maybe more like "hesitant/put off/terrified for my life".

I'm so sorry, but I just can't see myself bringing you home to mother. But thank you, for a lovely evening.

P.S. I love like saw the tattoo of Los Angeles on your arm. It looked... just like it.

Worst. Date. Ever.

I was going to write a blog about my dating hiatus, but then I went on a date. And now I remember why I was on a hiatus....

First of all let me preface this with the fact that I've been putting this date off for weeks. "I'm not feeling well", "I just left the gym, I'm all sweaty", you name it, I said it. So finally I felt bad. But more importantly I needed to go out with this guy because he's well connected in this city and will be opening a new club (where I want VIP status) shortly.

Now on to the date. The day prior he texts that we should meet "around 3 or 4" so I plan my day around that. Come 2:00 he says "I'm training people, how about 5?" Ok, that's fine. So I get ready and he says "I'll be done around 5 or 6". Naturally he calls at 6 to say he's finished and asks where to meet me. Here's what happens:

"How about Bougeois Pig in Franklin Village?"

"Ummm I don't know where that is."

"Well do you know where Birds is?"

"Uhhh, no."

"Do you know where Franklin is?? Franklin and Gower?"

"Ummm... yeah. I mean, kind of, is it walkable?"

"It's like 10 blocks. But I would drive."
"Well I don't have a car, can you pick me up?"

"Uh, really? Well, no. I don't drive."

"Oh. Well I guess I'll have to catch a cab. You sure I can't walk it?"

"I mean, you can, it's up to you..."

"Well, um, I don't know, let me figure this out. I'll call you back"

Twenty minutes go by and I text him "are you ok? It's really only like 10 blocks..." He responds with "I'll meet you at 7:30". Seriously? More. Fucking. Waiting?

So 7:30 rolls by and he's sitting outside. Waiting. Smoking. He apologizes for the next 5 minutes and almost redeems himself. That is until he changes the subject... to himself. The next hour was all about name dropping, his party lifestyle, living in Vegas, crazy nights out and getting drunk until 6 am, how he loves clothing, and how he's sooooo busy. And, shocker, he was texting the entire time. He didn't even turn the volume off, it literally chimed every 30 seconds. But the best part was at the end of the hour when he picked up the phone (with no warning), called his friend, and asked if he wanted to go to dinner. Then he gets off the phone and asks if I'm ready to go. You have no idea buddy.

We get outside, he puts his arm around me, and walks me home because he's a "gentleman" as he says. Pffftttt. We say our goodbyes and he excitedly says we should get together soon while rattling off his weekly schedule. Yeah, ok.

Good night. Good bye. Get lost.

If you want me, come and get me

Guys are social morons. Ok, some are damn smooth, and I give them credit for being able to enchant the women they pursue with rhythmic compliments and witty banter. But for the rest of them... well, I'm torn between being annoyed and feeling sorry for them. Like a pathetic one-legged pigeon that, even though it probably carries the plague, you can't help but feel for the poor thing.

Which brings me to social skills, or lack thereof. I'll start with my favorite worst pick up lines of the past month:

"You have the cutest bugs bunny overbite."

"How old are you?"

"Are you two best friends? I can tell."

"Is that real leather?"

"You look like the innocent one, your friend is the bad one..."

See what I mean? Boys. But more so I'm concerned with those men who can not, for the life of them, hold conversations or follow through.

For example, the guy who calls me at 7:30 and leaves no message. In reply I text that I'm in a movie and ask "what's up?". He then proceeds to see what my plans are and asks if we can get together. I agree, and when the movie ends I text to let him know I'm done. Twenty minutes later he says he wants to "kick it" and I reply in agreement. Half an hour later I get a message saying "Not sure if anythings fun tonight everybody is dead from new years". And I, clearly taking the lead, say "We don't have to go to a club, we can always just get drinks somewhere". Fifteen minutes later, nothing. So I finish it up by saying "Ok. Nevermind. You can just say no, but I'm pretty sure you were the one who asked me out." Another fifteen minutes and some lame message about getting his car from somewhere comes through and he'll call me in a bit. By this time it's 11:45 and I'm over it. "Sorry, going to bed". Better luck next time kid.

So this leaves me with three questions:

1) Why ask me out if you're just going to flake out at the moment of truth?

2) Is he technologically inept and can't comprehend leaving voicemails and texting replies?

3) Is he so socially awkward that leaving a voicemail frightens him to the point of indigestion and cold sweats? While texting takes a good 15 minutes to write a rough draft, proof read, correct spelling, and finally send?

If you want me, come and get me. It's easy. Just do it. Period. The end.

Opinions are more than welcome because I'm not used to this bullshit.

And so it goes...

Why... hello. It's been a while. What is the occasion for my return you ask? Oh you didn't ask? Well I have something to write about so keep reading.

We.
Broke.
Up.

Plain and simple. On our 6 month anniversary nonetheless. And to top it all off I am moving to LA... tomorrow. I had 3 days to ship out. Not the most exciting move, but a good one I'm hoping. On to bigger and better things (that's what they say at least). So, I guess we'll see what happens...

I'm so sorry in advance, LA.

Nice Try, Buddy

Yeah, we've all been there. At some point we've all tried to make someone who broke our heart jealous. It happens. But wow, I have never seen a more pathetic attempt until right now. As I mentioned I've had some ties to cut lately. One of which was so upset he defriended me on Facebook. Zing! Yeah, that'll show me all right.

Ok, I get it. You defriended me in hopes that I would notice. Well bravo it worked, but only because I was going to send you an apology. I looked at your page, some new tool-like profile picture is up. Typical. So I message you, "you deserve an explanation..." yadda yadda yadda. And what do you know, you write back 2 days later sporting a new profile picture of you and some little Japanese girl. What's this? Your status changed to "In a Relationship"? And your message... awe inspiring : "Life goes on. Sometimes we meet certain people in life that will teach us many things or will help us learn more about ourselves or somehow indirectly lead you to other people with whom you'll form new friendships, new loves, or learn something, and it's beautiful and that's how life is..." Brilliant. Pure gold.

Well it was a nice try on your part, but did you forget telling me about the Japanese girl you dated before me? Did you forget telling me she moved back to Japan? And did you simply not notice that in your profile picture your hair is short, when now it's long? But the icing on the cake has to be your status updates : "Lovin life", "Couldn't be happier", and the best yet "In love...".

Nice try, buddy. But we can all tell your photos are scanned. At least download it to your phone and mobile upload it next time. Oh, and when you messaged me to ask if my number was in fact, my number.... you took it too far.

What Now?

It’s April 2nd, and that means 30 First Dates should be well on it's way. 30 days, 30 men, 30 stories. I’d love to say that I have a great story from date no. 1 coming. And I’d love to say that date no. 2 was tonight. And I would really love to say that this is going to be the most exciting blog ever written! BUT... something happened. Something unexpected and, well… unimaginable.

I met someone. And not just met someone, we’re…. together, as in: 'Status: In a Relationship'. How did this happen? No really, I’m asking. It just hit me, like a San Francisco taxi cab (ow). If I believed in love at first sight, then I’d say our connection could probably make it under it's wikipedia definition. Everything about our first date was flawless. But it wouldn’t have mattered where we went, or what we had done, it was that undeniable chemistry that made us fall head over heels for each other.

So what now? How do I go from serial dater to committed girlfriend in less than a week? From flirtatious glances on the street to staring down at my pumps? From FH 3, 4, & 5 to…. the BF? I've already started cutting my ties and let me tell you, it hasn’t been pretty. One boy went so far as to defriend me on facebook. Really? Real mature buddy.

Now about this blog. Have I lost my identity? Or do I continue on with the trials of this new found relationship. Or the fact that I have a pseudo date on Saturday that I still haven’t cancelled. Or maybe the fact that I’m terrified when I should be elated. No really, terrified. Not because it doesn't feel right (it definitely does), but because I'm not sure I'm capable of being a good girlfriend. I guess time will tell...

To be continued...